Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
