I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
