Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
