I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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