Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
