I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just google imaged poop.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
