Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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