Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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