Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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