Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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