When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
