K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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