Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
