i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
