so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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