Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I love you. Go after that dick
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