My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
