I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
