i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize