just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
