Define "chronic" masturbator.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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