sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
