I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
