Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
