Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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