the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
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