party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
