why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
