Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
