for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
