ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
