i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
