meet me or not, i'm out of control
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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