i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
