I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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