4 words: hood of his car
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
time to smoke my breakfast
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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