Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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