I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
