you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
