How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize