she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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