My sheets look like a crime scene.
where am i from again
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
