Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
