How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
