yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
