I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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