Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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