Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
