the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
