Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I am spending my child support on dildos
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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