im gay
i know
yea but for you.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
