i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
