so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
