none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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