whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
