Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
