Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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