I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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