New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Randomize
