Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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