operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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