I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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